Div's

A love that I don't doubt.

2012-02-02T11:43:00.000-08:00

I could spend every day with you and never get bored/tired.

Sunnies recommended by Div Div

2012-02-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

I love these sunnies..Dave is the one who encouraged me to get them..They're amazing! Thanks babe :)

2012-02-01T11:19:00.000-08:00

Thank you for the flowers and everything, Divy :)

Izz & D

2012-01-31T11:42:00.000-08:00

Izzati : '' What do you do?''

Dave : ''Nothing''

Izzati: *over excited* ''Pick up?!''

Dave : ''Why do you want to pick up the skull?'' in game

2012-01-30T16:12:00.001-08:00

My boyfriend pampers me more than anyone I know.

He brought the Monkey Island game just for me to play :P He put so much effort for me in the little things, I love it. Thanks, Divy.

What a perfect part of the week

2012-01-29T15:06:00.000-08:00

A top favorite thing in my life

2012-01-28T13:28:00.000-08:00

If..

2012-01-28T00:19:00.001-08:00

If you were interested in my boyfriend or even kept a picture of him, he doesn't care, he only loves me.

Don't believe me? It's not just my words...Ask him directly ;)

A few things I want to achieve in life

2012-01-27T14:21:00.000-08:00

A few things I want to achieve in life now;

-Achieve even more happiness with you (although we're already happily in love)

-Become more of the independent, critical 'thinker' I want to be without too much social pressure

2012-01-26T23:58:00.000-08:00

Just because I don't follow your ''conventional'' style or make up, it doesn't make what I wear/use suit me any less.

Crazy in love

2012-01-25T13:17:00.000-08:00

I never had this much intensity before O_O And I am known for my emotional intensity!!

I love you to the point that I can't find anyone else attractive.

I don't even look anymore

It's like my eyes and my heart are for you..your touch, your nose, your eyes, everything about you.

And I think about the things we think about all the time.

Come what may, I pray and I want to protect you, make you happy, with or without me though I hope you'll stay.

2012-01-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

My sweetheart asks me to keep a list of things that remind me of what makes me cheerful/hopeful or at least enough to keep going in life (as part of anxiety management). Dave is too kind to me, I feel like I don't deserve him sometimes, he's way too good for me and way better looking but nevermind..

Anyway, one of the things on the list is games that remind me a lot about my childhood or at least earliest teen years.

I remember the Purple Moon game - when I used to play Rockett games.

Too many years ago, I used to play Rockett's Secret Invitation, Rockett's New School, Rockett's Tricky Decision etc.. I used to be so damn fascinated by Rockett's high school life and had wished my life was an imitation of hers. Oh and on youtube, I found out there's also Rockett's First Dance which I never got to play..I'm thinking of finding a way to get hold of it somehow. Even at this age, yes, I can play when it reminds me of my childhood. Goodness knows, I need more of those especially when I've been swamped with studies, repetitive thoughts of the future etc

I remember that not many things can compare to the feeling of 'lurking' the hallways in Rockett's school, reading the diaries of characters and wondering what kind of objects they keep in their lockers. Lol. It's just a game. It seems childish, but I don't care, I love it.

Random stuff for the sake of it

2012-01-24T00:36:00.000-08:00

Was just checking through old inbox to hunt for old pictures (Argh, can't believe the amount of time and energy I used to take e-mailing old pics to the ex -_-'' anyway..)

And I just realized that this photo is ancient! Old! Lolz.....I used to wear REALLY BIG stuff and fit them together XD I still do right? Only more so with earrings and belts lol

2012-01-21T15:13:00.001-08:00

It's more than just love, more than just friendship, more than just devotion. There are many things that can't be written between us because they need no explanation. It is in the way you touch me, the way you look at me, the way you sing a song for me. It is in the way we know each other naturally, the way we know each other's habits, values, mindsets, needs of a deeper spirit so easily, the way we talk about everything and will not hesitate (not even for a second) to try and jump through the rains of life just for each other. It is in the way you rebuilt my strength even when I didn't ask and it is in the way I hope I can make you happier. It is the way we rush to each other even after just a normal lover's tiff. It is how we would protect each other against the world if we ever had to. Has these words ever been spoken by anyone before, anyone who's ever been in love? Perhaps, but it doesn't matter, the world turns on love and connections, and I love you. I may not know everything there is to know about this road of life, but I know that to even know you is lucky, to be able to see you takes my breath away and to love you every day while you love me is a miracle.

I love you, Dave.

Izzati

Realizing..

2012-01-20T21:36:00.001-08:00

I am constantly growing into becoming a woman who fights more and more for what she wants.

Someday beyond just a little idealism, the words, I will achieve what I want in life.

New quote

2012-01-19T13:43:00.001-08:00

The law of the double

The universe is filled with duality; so there are diverse double edged 'swords' of inspiration and practical growth, imaginative understanding and physical experience, East and West, etc.

There are some universal truths to learning about the differences and connections in many dual meanings, concepts. The duality gives the universe a 'meaning.'

And even if you are one who does not believe in an inherent meaning, you can still see conceptualize certain existing things based on duality. © Izzati Jamil 2012

*Bleh okay I was trying..it's too hard to explain..*

So sweet

2012-01-18T23:47:00.000-08:00

:') I had wanted to close this, but he stopped me.

I love him!

Did anyone thought up this quote already? XD

2012-01-17T18:11:00.000-08:00

Hope not mwahahah..

Anyway it's just a general quote I thought up...

The world needs a balance of the abstract and concrete. Some people express best using conceptual terms that are outside box and designed for emotional understanding, some people express best using hands-on experiences and physical present reality. Variant systems in life depend on things that we both can see and cannot see.© Izzati Jamil 2012

To whom it may concern

2012-01-17T13:15:00.001-08:00

Who says all vintage sucks? Just because you wear things that are cutesy little dresses in your view, you expect me to follow suit, dumbass? Kind of shows how you feel entitled because of your style and looks it's pathetic. Yes my life is so imaginary hence the old pictures in my (this) blog lol. You don't believe he's real? Message my boyfriend at your will, I can't promise you he'll be as conflict avoidant as my ex when you tried to act innocent in front of my ex though. I may not be a skinny stick like you, and I may not have perfect teeth, but I'd rather have that forever than be an insecure low-class jerk.

P/S Oh and no, bitch, my bags and my clothes are not vintage fyi. I have a few vintage hats that look good though. I don't usually say things like this as I fear going against my values but just because you can't afford them, don't be a pissy sour grape.

P/P/S And for fuck's sake, stop assuming every other post is about you.

I rant about what values I find annoying, and the kinds of 'shaming' I find annoying, and they don't always apply to you. They apply to other people I argued with..come to think of it, even though I find them stupid, they are more 'normal' in the head AND decent compared to you at least. You are not that important.

Please leave me the fuck alone.

Oh and also I personally don't wear 'vintage' but since you implied you're insulting vintage-wearing people (one of my friends actually bought a vintage dress from the market in loughborough and she looks AMAZING in it, more amazing than you ever could) here's something for you to cry over;

rant

2012-01-16T01:25:00.001-08:00

Some aspects of humanity can be so sad..Especially when people tend to think complete social shaming without truthful context, psychologically harming comparing, pretentious intentions/motivations in pushing their personal values on others are the 'correct' ways to impose their lifestyles.. Please get out of the fucking box.

My friend and I taking the piss :P

2012-01-15T15:10:00.000-08:00

Andy;lol. i think some people crave social validation so desperately -- they adopt whatever crap just to 'fit in'

Izzati;hehe

Andy;let's have an arbitrary 'common' language "ooooh -- let's see. how about we hate anybody who's not wearing pink, because pink is soooo yesterday and NOT cool!"

Izzati says:LOLZ

Andy says:"if we all wear pink, then we're 'cool' and part of the same 'cool' group!"lol. some people don't quite get out of thatreminds me of high schoollol

Izzatil says:LOLZ

Andy says:but people try to compete using their children, expensive jewellery, etc.."MY child is going to harvard -- AND he/she was the class valedictorian at his high school! beat THAT!"

Izzati says:lulzcn i quote u?LOL

Andy says:loool. go ahead!

Izzati says:''my sister's in a stable relationship and u not and ohhhhh i sweet like candy hwahwahwahwa =-tries to act cool-'' LOL

So amazing

2012-01-12T07:59:00.000-08:00

I feel (without exaggeration) that I can just talk to you forever, listen to you forever and never get tired or bored.

I love you. Few more weeks and we'll be in each other's arms.

Dior glosses are the best!

2012-01-11T11:14:00.000-08:00

Since a few months ago, I already bought a total of 4 Dior lip glosses altogether... And they are the best!

During October, I bought 2 of the bright colored ones..And during the holiday I treated myself to another bright colored one..Today I bought myself a really pale one, because I remember a friend of a friend of mine who's an expert said natural soft colors suit my lips (I don't know... I leave it up to others' quiet judgment hehehe hope it's okay I said that)

Here are the glosses;

I don't buy as much make up as some others and I don't wear as thick, but I take pride in the little that I have - because I always intuitively know what suits me best and what doesn't :) And I adore/love these lip glosses, they're my little presents to myself.

Me and the pale lip gloss;

See the difference;

Bright lip gloss

Pale lip gloss

Just trying to put in a bit of optimism :) It's refreshing compared to the many rants I wrote before anyway >< Hee hee *hides*

More new quotes

2012-01-09T09:16:00.001-08:00

Most things that we learn take a lot of processes. Not everything that is theory related with less practicality can be deemed useless, it depends on what the theory does in contributing your understanding and interpretation which eventually contributes to your lifestyle or actions. There is the process concerned with interpretation and shared interpretations, there is the process that is very outcome based, etc. When you study, being result oriented is important but being values aware and being able to reanalyze some worldviews is also as equally important. © Izzati Jamil 2012

What is the use of the charm of connecting when there is no link as honesty gets lost, tact gets thrown or when disbelief in encouragement of dreams is gone? Just as there is no life without breathing, there is no connecting without both faith and honesty © Izzati Jamil 2012

Metaphors are not necessarily useless. English connects and a purpose of expressions is to understand an art of living. Such art is always renewed every time a new phrase is connected and understood. The beauty of this art is that not only one process of understanding exists, but the different processes also reflect the different systems that make the universe - a universe. © Izzati Jamil 2012

Explaining some of my social views

2012-01-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

I'm an INTERACTIONIST. I believe that the social world is constructed by meanings and interpretations people place on behavior, and different interpretations to social interactions give birth to education.Example, see http://www.sociology.org.uk/devtint1.htm

From studying the shifts and constructions of interactions, we find it easier to study both abstract and established connections.

AND I also believe in the importance of STUDYING CONNECTIONS to get a more 'balanced' worldview.I believe even philosophy and 'hard' sciences have some connections..Even global politics and sociology at societal level can have very strong connections, beyond just studying from textbooks.

It fits a quote I once wrote,'' In a way sometimes I think politics, philosophy, sociology, meta physics, etc are logically connected in certain ways.. Even with their differences..which provide us with more importantly 'holistic' views to life. 'Logic' isn't about limitation to just memorizing from a few research samples. But sometimes people forget that.''

It does NOT mean I am wishy washy with my own beliefs. It simply means I am someone who believes in the IMPORTANCE of studying interactions and connections, to be more educated and a person of character in this life.

The best of everything

2012-01-03T16:38:00.000-08:00

Dave..

The best soulmate,
The best partner,
The best friend,
The best boyfriend,
The best life partner,
The best love of my life.

Supportive, pure and loyal, stronger than a rock, tougher than the seas...Yet at the same time gentler than any soothing breeze, words so soft a touch so gentle my heart always melts.

I love you so much, my reality is you in every way, my days and nights have been led by visions of you and me, my whole life is just...brightened because of you. Whatever happens, your happiness is the universe or even more than the universe to me.

I love you,

Izzati.

Hahah

2012-01-03T02:30:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, a woman runs across a disgusting part of her past that makes her think,'' wtf was I thinking'' be it an old discarded piece of clothing, an ex boyfriend who wasn't even her type... and in some circumstances, an ex best friend who can make psychological issues of some of the most mentally deranged look 'normal.' (Well anyway what is normal really? But we'll discuss that some other time)

I'm going to quote some of his words - the words of an ex best friend who used to borrow money from me just to impress chicks without ever returning a cent back, who used to criticize everyone else and once called himself the god of love (lol)... I'm sure a number of impressionable (or naive) women who look at his words might at first see him as well intended or semi decent or even smart.. But trust me, he is none of those things. Now, lo and behold, J's words;

'' I have always been annoyed about the fact that every jerk or even worse has ways of getting one of the most beautiful women in the world that we could only dream of, that we envy and easily become frustrated. I always believe myself to be a good guy, treat women with respect and show that I am a gentleman. Do the normal good guy routine by opening the door, pulling the chair and etc. I believe that in the end, I will get the girl while the jerk walks with the shame of defeat. But the truth is, this is all bull**** unless you are already in a relationship or married. I spent my whole life being the good guy and I am always ‘the friend’ for women to cry on my shoulders about their problems. Whatever I say, they will do the exact opposite.''

First of all, that FIRST sentence along with the context of your paragraph already conveys your true intentions. No, you're not a 'good guy' because you genuinely care, you presented an image of a 'gentleman' (yeah gentleman my foot, knowing about your history) because you cared more about bagging women rather than being emotionally honest or living with integrity. As though all women are obliged to listen to everything you say (no they are not. what are you anyway? you don't come close to having any authority to dictate how women choose to lead their lives. you're not even educated enough to do so)

And you wonder what's the problem *Rolls eyes*

More of his words; ''It is because women wants to be challenged by a game of making their boyfriends understand them how they feel which is nothing but an illusion in their minds because the truth is these men just don’t care about them whatsoever.''

And so YOU are the one who cares? You're the one who wants to be a beacon of savior, hope and light? *snorts* And you think your motives aren't the least bit transparent?

Let's kick our asses back to reality. Jerks exist. No doubt about it. I know some jerks, heck even got involved with a few jerks in the past. However, we can't paint people with the same brush. People are not black and white. Mistakes, strengths and weaknesses make us who we are - colorful human beings with different stories to tell and different reasons for doing what we do. We have certain structured beliefs and systems to refer to, the 'workings' of the universe and human mind etc -- in order to understand why we are the we are. However, at the same time, empathy is important - in every story, before giving our 2 cents pretending that we know everything there is to know about human nature - we have to attempt putting ourselves in the other person's (or 'other side' whathaveyou) shoes.

That is why every good thing comes from the seeds of good intentions. Will that always guarantee good results? Not really. We're humans. We fail. But we try again. Does that excuse bad behavior? No. Women learn from their mistakes, or they're trapped in a cycle. Men learn from their mistakes, or else they're trapped the same way. At the same time, each mistake, each story, each reason has a different plant of which it is grown from. I am in no way excusing bad or abusive behavior. But that doesn't excuse your patronizing behavior one bit.

I can't be assed to quote the rest of the article, because it is full of bullshitting, projecting and frankly, it made me want to throw up. Lol. It made me wonder what I ever saw in him years ago. Perhaps if it was written by another author, I would've taken it quite seriously, or at least take it as a person attempting to do some good out of a naive place... but no, this is written by someone I know is half socio-pathic and half delusional to the point of being worthy of pity.

If anyone wants the link, just ask from me..hopefully I won't be lazy and I'll give it lol

One of the funniest things he wrote though (and it is funny because it is composed from his sick mind);

''Like I said, what matters is what you think, say and do. If you are confident about what you think, say and do then that’s all you need. The key of winning any beautiful women that you could only dream of in this world is to find this key within yourself and you can have any single beautiful women that are dying to meet you. The key to instant attraction is simply Confidence.''

Lol.

As long as you believe you can do anything with your ****, men, you can get ANY woman you want. Nevermind her own personal reasons that may be entirely personal to only her, nevermind the chemistry factor, nevermind timing, nevermind her own individual story -- get what you want, no matter what the consequences, that's what he's preaching with sugarcoated terms.

I cannot believe such individuals exist. Please shoot (metaphorically) me for once knowing such a pig of a human being.

And, yes, men, I'm aware and I'm not stupid.

Love,
Izzati

New pics

2012-01-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

Declaration for year 2012

2011-12-31T13:43:00.000-08:00

In relation to social shaming and all...

I won't get into details but I remember many years ago, I gave up something that was important to me just to please everyone else/just for the sake of some misconstrued social image. Years later, not a day went by that I did not regret how I handled things and what I let go of.

I just want to declare.. I really cannot afford anymore to live my life in any shape/form only to please everyone else or even society by lying to myself. I need to always be honest with myself, my feelings from now on or else I would just be giving everyone else lies. It's too tiring to think about the pressure of being an all-time people pleaser..just to raise the good name of anybody else at the expense of living with emotional honesty and integrity.

In short, I'm sorry. I need to be happy and honest with myself. Pleasing others is important, but I need boundaries too. I cannot try and please everyone else all the time, just to avoid being disapproved/mocked at, because it's too tiring.

Happy New Year,

Izz.

My new year's gift

2011-12-29T18:10:00.000-08:00

I just bought these two new stylish pieces separately, pair them together and voilà, I came up with something amazing *smirks*

I bought them for myself just to treat me :) Nice isn't it?

Self criticism vs self praise

2011-12-25T17:37:00.000-08:00

So I remember this from a conversation with my boyfriend a few days ago (exact words are quoted here); (Hey I'm human, I have occasions like this..it's normal -_-)

Me : ''I just at times :( Its hard to say wonder if im a freak''
Him : ''NO!! Don't you dare!! My Izzati not a freak! You are a miracle So strong and generous..''

...I am? O____O

The typical girlfriend I am (lol), I asked more for the sake of reassurance.

Me: What personality parts u love most abt me?

Him: your genrousity your kindness you are kinda clumsy (love tht)

LOL.. My clumsiness is charming? O_________O(Ahem not going to tell the public some of my clumsy habits, that's only for you to know Dave XD)

So the conversation continues;

Me: i m kind? :(

Him: you are so sensitive gentle

Me: im not a freak right?

Him: no not a freak natures greatest miracle

Awww ... :') I don't know if I deserve that, but thank you.I just HAD to ask again

Me: :( u sure im kind?

Him: yes i sense u r any opportunity to help me and u r there for me
it seems like you put everyone else first

Hmm..I'm not sure. What if I have spent a lot of time putting others first (or rather listening to 'negative voices') until a few times I neglected my inner voice? I'm not sure yet.

Know what, hubby, for someone who says that I'm beautiful, you're the one who's really hot..you're totally, completely hot (I hate it when other women check you out, but I'm not the controlling type).See your own picture below, you are damn hot.

I love you.

And I mean that. I'm as devoted to you, every bit, as you are to me (you will argue and say you love me more, but just accept what I said okay :p)

Thank you for putting your all in helping me.

So anyway...ahem....

The title of my post is 'self criticism vs self praise'

I am actually more self critical than I led on. Ada2 sja nda kena dgn aku ani (my Malay sounds a bit broken -_- sorry stop looking at me in such a judgmental way hahahaha)

Really..believe it or not, even when I seem most confident, there have been several times I can still look in the mirror and wonder,'' Do I look weird? Do I feel fat? Why the eff does my nose look weird here?'' Bla bla bla blaaaaa Or that,'' Izz you're not organized enough..Izz that idea doesn't sound good etc..'' I value my thinking skills above all, even more so than my own appearance/image but at the same time it comes with a price; even when others like my writings, I can be critical of my own work (super critical by 100000x)

So I think that well...I need a break too to balance out those times. I need to remind myself about my goals, how I strengthened up/grew up/survived all these years, my intentions, etc. I can seem so friendly and high-energetic (people tend to think so at times), but honestly I can be so reserved and withdrawn too as if I'm setting a barrier between me and the world whenever I feel super critical or sensitive to perceived criticism that might not even be there.

A few individuals ever said..that they think I'm secretive. That I express a lot, but there are some secrets I keep to myself for all of the world not to know. That is true. I only reveal what I wish to reveal. I only show my real self to people I trust enough.

Anyway..I think I'm rambling. The point of this entry is to remind myself what is good about me again..

Hmm I like that I'm natural in some things. I like that I'm self taught in writing about certain things (not ALL things though). I like that even after all the things I went through, I still feel I deserve better than ever before.

I like my smile (I don't know why, that's the most common compliment I get when it comes to my features, heh) but moreso because when I look at myself smile, I remind myself that I can rise like a strong ocean wave through new chapters, new waves, new ideas in my life. (Hopefully)

Izz

Memories year 2009

2011-12-25T05:14:00.001-08:00

I miss these people

2011-12-23T19:43:00.000-08:00

‎'' If writing about one's emotions, beliefs and spiritual/religious experiences automatically makes the contents 'conceited' :P would she be willing to say the same thing about many 'classic' poets she might've studied..'' -Andy

Uh, yeah, true, lol. Has it ever crossed judgmental minds that I might be writing a lot to express some meanings to people who might understand as well as trying to understand my own thought processes instead of blindly attention seeking? Probably not. Oh well.

Honestly

2011-12-23T08:36:00.001-08:00

I'm not that young/''inexperienced''..I been through shits in my past that I had to clean up on my own, so nobody has the right to patronize me (ever) about it when I was doing it in my shoes alone.. Age doesn't always determine level of experience or factor in long term decision making when experience is effing much more than you'll ever know. Besides if I was so inexperienced, people wouldn't come and ask me big-life stuff anyway. I been through this and that, and I don't really appreciate being indirectly underestimated/mocked/laughed at/being patronized even if you think you have good intentions. Thank you. (For anyone in general)

Marxist related

2011-12-22T11:35:00.000-08:00

So I've been studying/analyzing Hardt and Negri's theories about immaterial labor (labor that produces immaterial good like cultural product/service/communication & present mostly in service sectors of economy) and trying to link to modern examples too.. For example, the emergence of call centres in 1990's - spreading through 'Empire' as Hardt and Negri likes to call the new world order..Call centres are like mediation between institutions and subjects of cognitive capitalism. This is parallel to Hardt and Negri's envisaging new world order - example, US nuclear supremacy representing monarchical, transnational corporations the aristocratic, the internet the democratic principle etc. The internet and cell centres are like democratic principle, thus perhaps the process of 'democratization' help service sectors dominate the markets (Hardt and Negri see new age of Empire as 'age of immaterial labour')

Then I also read about the struggles in service sectors..Like for example, there have been reports of call centre workers being involved in ''stand up'' strikes and digital sabotage.. In a way like rebelling against the system. Suddenly I'm reminded of Gramsci's hegemony and civil state theories. Gramsci usually pays attention to the ideological dimension of popular revolt to subjective factors like symbols, language and traditions. Democratization allows advancement of language, and this can be used in terms of revolt. As 'ruling class hegemony' is usually established via civil society (system of superstructural institutitions that is intermediary between economy and state) perhaps 'informatization of economy' (Hardt and Negri) can make it easier for working classes to put in 'war of position' (struggle in a political aspect against ruling class hegemony via civil society).. Because service sectors continue to be more dominant and language becomes more reachable.. It may seem alienating from one perspective, but may be enlightening from another.

Overall, democratization within informatization of economy (immaterial commodities like services dominating the markets) can make 'war of position' more easier - as call centres most likely have had hegemony transmitted to them via language within the civil society (especially as call centres are made to mediate between institutions and subjects of cognitive capitalism). Democratization = expansion of ideological dimension in terms of language and symbols. A great deal of contemporary immaterial labor work involves ''manipulation of symbols and information'' (Hardt and Negri)

. BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA sheeeeepppppp

2011-12-15T15:09:00.001-08:00

Dear Dave,

I am sorry for some of the things I put you through. I am sorry for my moments of anxiety and indecisiveness that you don't deserve. At times I wish you'd wake up, look in the mirror and see everything that I see in you; strong, amazing and smart. You are one of the smartest people I know, it's not just a label, it's not just a compliment, it is the truth.

I am sorry for the times I freaked out. It's just as you know, perhaps I carry some baggage that has nothing to do with me wanting to be with someone else, but has everything to do with the fact that I have a few unresolved fears/anxieties that I'd rather not share in public (who doesn't? I'm just being honest)

I wish I was a stronger person for you, at times I feel that I don't deserve your compliments or your affection but I want to feel as though I do. When I reflect more upon it, perhaps the few fears are just minor setbacks and I can still fight for the sake of you and I. I know you've always been patient with me but can I request, just a little more patience..I'm sorry to ask that of you. I want to be with you not just for a while, I want to be with you in the long run. Forgive me for my upsetting moments and just let me make it up to you.

Your girlfriend,
Izzati.

An open heart again

2011-12-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

Dear God, February come fast!!

Boyfriend, I am the luckiest woman alive to have you, I try to appreciate you even more day by day.

You always say that you are the lucky one and that I am beautiful, but it is you who astound me with every step, every turn, every word, every look.

I love you. Izz

Prada L'eau Ambree

2011-12-10T09:39:00.001-08:00

The perfume smells amazing..the bottle is beautiful..but more importantly, the smell of the perfume is amazing. It's fantastic..I wanted it for my birthday, and now I have it!

Izzati strongly recommends Prada L'eau Ambree perfume...

(Haha maybe I can be a model for Prada someday in return :P)

2011-12-09T23:33:00.000-08:00

Love can be abstract and ideal in many different forms. People can value different expressions together.

And I have loved your unique expressions of love, and I already felt the years that you loved me :)

Love,

From Izz to Dave.

Remember this quote

2011-12-07T14:05:00.000-08:00

Even if you were really educated and had never failed an exam in your life, but if you had little class, little integrity and could not even understand the simplest concepts that relate to overall living/values, you could still be stupid. So don't talk crap to others.

You should be the best product of what you learn, taking your character and rationality with it, not a wasted product.

And don't assume easily just for the sake of ego, because every individual journey is different.

Ahem

2011-12-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

I love Dave :P

Finally... :p

2011-12-04T15:39:00.000-08:00

Finally one post about what finally makes me happier (haha) and my boyfriend...

Dear Dave, I can never forget these words you spoke to me before;

''I can see you without the pain, the core thing that makes you who you are
kindness
selflessness
you know what i mean
you have a big heart
you care for others so much
you put others first in your heart
you are honest and loyal
you love the people closest to you
you are funny
you are one in 8 billion
you also have the sweetest soul
and you have a playful mischevious side lol
you have eyes that i could lose myself in for ever
a smile that could unnerve the sun
a personal gravity which could make the solar system spin the other way
you're amazing and
just to know you is to be lucky
you know when u said about healing me
i want to heal you also
you shine far brighter than any star
you bring light where there was once darkness...''

And a lot more of your words that made my heart turn, but.. I won't make them public for now :p

Who cares if annoying stalkers/haters make fun of my blog anyway..What matters is that I'm happy and I deserve to be, Hah :)

I hope you don't mind this.

Today I said to you,

You are the one I want,

You are the one I choose,

It was scary opening up all over again, but you are the one I choose.

Which means I ultimately chose being with you over anyone else in my past or present.

:) I love this.

Izzati.

Priceless words

2011-12-03T16:26:00.000-08:00

Grabbed this from Mariana (a favorite)'s facebook;

''We often equate “wait” with “waste.” If we’re waiting for something (or someone), we think we are doing nothing, which, in an accomplishment-crazed culture, seems like a waste of time.

But waiting serves many purposes. In particular, it proves our faith. Those whose faith is weak are often the first to give up waiting, while those with the strongest faith are willing to wait indefinitely.

Waiting for God is never a waste of time.

-Our Daily Bread''

Just something to think about it, whether you think faith is relevant or not :)

People who are most patronizing

2011-12-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

I find it funny that in life, people who are most patronizing always end up having to eat their own words in one form or another :P

They are the ones who tend to act like they have it all and they have it right all the time, and feel the need to look down on others in the process.

But they always end up being proven wrong or 'messing up' in what they normally preach/condescend about.....

Hahahaha, it's sweet how the law of justice operates.

Thank you

2011-11-27T11:18:00.000-08:00

I hope it is okay to publish this book review

''''
Review of Young Dreams by Nurul Izzati Haji Mohammed Jamil (Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka Kementerian Kebudayaan, 2009)

By Gillian Perrett PhD

It is an ambitious job to assemble eighty-nine of one’s own poems for publication. In Young Dreams (Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka Kementerian Kebudayaan, 2009) the young writer Nurul Izzati Haji Mohammed Jamil has achieved this considerable task.

Her poems deal with themes such as The Creator, friendship, love, manners and honesty. Nurul Izzati has already achieved international success with recognition of her work twice online by poetry.com (2007, 2008) and it is more than appropriate that her work should be made available to the reading public of Brunei Darussalam.

She writes in an easy, unpretentious free verse, modulating individual stanzas to reflect their content. Her poems reflect a young person’s concern with relationships, friendship, infatuation and love; but most importantly they embody a concern with values:

We must search for the best in love in our lives,
For from any experience of loving that enters life,
We will learn something of value from each experience … (About … Love).

Oh Almighty Allah,
Nothing compares to the Splendour of Your Love,
The eternal magnificence of Your power … (Because of You …)

There are moments of sadness:

Days and nights,
The waiting was almost unbearable,
As she recalled his soft handsome face. (Days and Nights)

… moments of happiness from small things:

Books!
Facts and figures,
Learning ways to make a difference,
What we know; what should we know; what we should make of things,
Books! (‘Books’)

... and joy in small people:

My brothers,
Smiles,
Games,
Laughter,
Cherish the times spent together. (‘Brothers’)

Nurul Izzati writes in the first stanza of ‘A Beautiful Castle’

When I have done a good job,
I can convince myself that,
I am talented enough to be famous.

She has convinced this reader that the job she’s done shows that she is indeed talented enough to be famous.''

I wrote those poems years ago, too young (hah) but it paid off.

Thanks, I try to improve myself, I have a long way to go and I don't think I even meet high enough standards (for myself anyway).

Speechless

2011-11-27T05:45:00.000-08:00

I had a positive review from an Australian PHD holder about my poetry book and it touched me so much, I was speechless. (It's in my email)

Thank you!!!!!

Update; 23rd November 2011

2011-11-23T07:47:00.000-08:00

Hi, sorry for being a lot more negligent towards blogging...

Overall, my personal and social life is improving in ways even better than I expected :) I hope for even more of the best.

Yes, there are certain obstacles in life and I've still been ranting (ahahaa) but other than that, I try to be more thankful for what I already have.

I've been experimenting with make up and some beauty products lately, and they make me feel good. (It's what you feel inside that counts anyway, whichever trend you choose to go for..but it's always what's inside that counts much, much more ;p)

Hmm..I have no idea what else to write about.

Actually there's been a lot of new developments and changes in my life, but I don't feel like going into detail publicly. There are still a few people who I care about as much as I did since beginning of this year. I've also met new people who amazed me beyond belief.

I feel at home just right here.

Izzati.

Hey

2011-11-19T17:39:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for dragging you into my confusion.

I still have confusion and I am still in the process of figuring things out, but it doesn't mean I don't care about you.

I care about you and... I do feel something between us, just that I am scared/guarded/confused.

I understand if it's not fair to you. I really wish I could be stronger and better. You didn't harm me.

I wish I can/could do better to help you with everything, not because I pity you, but because you deserve the best.

Forgive me,
Izzati.

Some more photos...

2011-11-14T00:21:00.000-08:00

Life in Luvbra~~

(Pictures that tell you what I did during Eid ul Adha..hehe)

Hehehehe..

Other than that, I just feel some exhaustion and confusion lately..I don't know how to express in words :( I'm not in the mood to blog that much either.

Ttyl.

Bachelor Pad review... by Izz :P

2011-10-28T05:20:00.000-07:00

So..I've been watching lots of Bachelor Pad Season 2 and bits of Bachelor Pad Season 1..Somehow I don't feel a sense of ''attachment'' (if you want to call it that lol) to the participants in Bachelor Pad Season 1 as I do with participants in Bachelor Pad Season 2.

I could be biased because my favorites; Kirk Dewindt, Jake Pavelka and Blake Julian were in it...lol. But really, I think Bachelor Pad 1 could never compare to Bachelor Pad 2, even in terms of the drama and excitement.

I mean, my least favorite (or most disliked lol) participants in BP2 are Vienna and Kasey, but even they are interesting to watch;

Huhu.. Jake and Blake in this picture! :P

BP1 however is like.....meh. I don't even find the ''main characters'' in BP1 fun.

Also, there's this one female contestant from Bachelor Pad Season 1, her name is Elizabeth..She seems psychotic and she CREEPS ME OUT..I mean, I can't stand Vienna but at least she's interesting..Elizabeth isn't. I can't believe how creepy she is with Kovacs :/ I mean, she is as creepy and as manipulative as hell, ewwwww.

Anyway, going back to BP2, I think as Michael and Holly were really loyal with each other even though they had history, the Blake issue and all that ..they definitely deserved to win Bachelor Pad 2.

Also, is it wrong that I'm a Blake-Holly shipper? Lol. Everytime I see scenes of them together, I like the warm feeling that I get :P

Oh well, update later or next time, too lazy to type more lol

I feel..

2011-10-24T13:43:00.001-07:00

I feel glad that I'm back in UK. Really. Especially when the weather is super cold right LOL And I especially love how much $$ I have to spend LOL LOL XD

Oh and also I adore my beauty products..I 'just know' (sorry if it sounds like bragging, it's my favorite hair oil and new lip glosses in the photo below), I always know for myself, what products suit me best :) Oh well, busy life. Don't feel like blogging much. Ttyl.

Just keep smiling ;) winks

2011-10-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

To-do list 2011/2012

2011-10-16T11:03:00.001-07:00

- Try my best to forgive everyone, including those who hurt me or whom I fought with.

- Be more optimistic and be more independent

- Work in advance (finish things in advance, that is) :)

- Lose weight, get a great body (can't help it!)

I was a bit bummed today..I could've talked to Dawud and Chris more but, when with Dawud the 02 signal was screwed up and also during 11 plus this morning, I was either asleep or watching 90210 (Can't remember).

I care about my friends very, very much. 02, why do you keep me away from my friends? Lol. J/k.

Social life in loughborough is okay, I will come to the next LSUIS gathering for sisters on Tuesday :) (Can't wait)

Btw, I bought two new lip glosses :P For fun. And I bought a new hair treatment oil. I spent quite a lot of $$$ but let's hope it's all worth it.

Oh well, talk next time! Am I turning over a new leaf? You can say that.

Love,

Izz

New photos

2011-10-09T10:56:00.001-07:00

That is all for now in my blogging world..See you Next time!

THIS!

2011-10-05T02:21:00.001-07:00

All that is enough.

2011-10-04T15:40:00.001-07:00

Just having you in my life. And everything that you are, everything that you've always been.

I will always remember..the time when I thought I had everything knocked out of me and you talked me into remembering the things that I lived for, the things that made me who I am. When I thought people I cared for would always just abandon me, and you reminded me about life, that even in loss, life could still have meaning. I led the path again for myself, but you reminded me.

But I think you have no idea how much, and it's okay. It's just enough. Having you in my life.

I'm a perfectionist :P

2011-10-02T23:37:00.001-07:00

Discipline is going to be my new motto.

(I am STRICT with my skincare routines anyway, that is something I've always been!)

Sigh

2011-10-02T22:51:00.000-07:00

I think it's time I forgive everyone, even the ones who wronged me, but I will get stronger in other ways too.

New ♥

2011-09-28T13:53:00.000-07:00

2011-09-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

Doa hanya pada Allah, tawassul hanya dengan amalan amalan ku.. Ya Rabb berikanlah aku peluang

Friendship randomness

2011-09-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

Resolve.

2011-09-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

"Never accept words meant to hurt. Turn them back because they are the responsibility of the speaker. When you are caught off guard, hold the emotions in silence for a moment and tell them to be still. It takes longer to forget than it does to forgive - and time heals when we give it the power."
-- Joyce Sequichie Hifler

Actually, for my personal self, I interpret that words which are spoken with tactlessness and bad intent should go back to the speaker, even when we think about the issues or reasoning behind those words.

Responsibility goes both ways. When you're cruel and deceptive, you're not being responsible.

People can be cruel, but you know what...I decide that they do not MAKE me.

And that's awesome :)

I want ..

2011-09-21T00:07:00.000-07:00

I want to be more inspired in life (in general)

I amuse myself

2011-09-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

Duh..this is what I call EMPOWERMENT. Get me?

2011-09-20T04:29:00.001-07:00

Ahem, this is what I call wisdom (LOL)

2011-09-20T03:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, the truth has spoken :P

Your opinion ain't a fact

2011-09-19T18:44:00.000-07:00

Learn the difference.

;)

2011-09-19T17:27:00.000-07:00

A woman like me can do whatever she sets her mind onto.

P/S Not much of a beyonce fan, but this song is awesome and it reminds me of my life.

2011-09-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

I still love this outfit

2011-09-18T01:05:00.000-07:00

Apologies as I seem to have worn this outfit too many times or if I might bore you with photos..Lol..But I just love this outfit so much! This time, I paired it with a belt that I like :)

I just want to be happy..

2011-09-17T01:23:00.000-07:00

P/S Flight ku is on 26th

:) took from a random tumblr

2011-09-16T17:38:00.001-07:00

How would I personally describe the role of rationality?

2011-09-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about some of the big ''odd'' questions in life and how I would answer them in personal terms. (Meaning to say, my personal terms will not necessarily be established as facts, I'm not silly)

For example, what would be worthy to be named as intellectual satisfaction?

In this entry, what would be regarded as the actual role of rationality?

I see rationality as both a form of leadership and a form of preservation. A preservation to ensure the survival and continuation of mankind, even when 'progresses' come in different levels. A leadership which gives power, structures and as I said, survival.

I see rationality as an encompassing system, a foundation, a point of which structures are made possible but is also in need of other systems to renew, develop and to work.

My words aren't established or developed enough, but I'm trying to learn.

2011-09-15T22:32:00.001-07:00

I promise I'll try to be an even better person :)

2011-09-12T02:31:00.001-07:00

I promise you :)

2011-09-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

I feel thankful and lucky just knowing you. You're a great friend, generous, kind, patient, accommodating and you made me rethink many of my old perspectives. Drama ends, hatred ends, past baggage ends, but my gratitude for you never will. :) Sincerely from Izzati's heart.

LOL

2011-09-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

Yes

2011-09-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

Yes I have a stronger personality than I did in the past. Yes I have true friends who stick up for me.

That does not give anyone the permission to troll me online.

That does not give anyone the permission to attack me out of jealousy.

;)

2011-09-11T17:50:00.000-07:00

To the one who wrote that stupid/false/cruel tumblr comment months ago, know this, I swear to God I will never forgive you. So if something happens to you, it's not me, it's your punishment. He even asked me if people have been insulting me, but I didn't tell him the full story but I WILL when I get back to UK and see him again. Sincerely, Izzati.

p/s It is NOT A THREAT, so don't twist my words. It's a silent prayer for justice.

Andy's words,''LOL. It's only 'threatening' to someone who thinks it's his/her 'right' to piss you off. Why is it so hard for somebody NOT to keep emailing/posting about you? ''''

I was asserting my boundaries before, not threatening. LEARN.

I am firm

2011-09-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

I just want my new life. I don't need my old life anymore. I wish everyone else understands.

Understand, Thanks.

2011-09-11T03:54:00.001-07:00

I know riight...effing hell, when did it all change??

READ and UNDERSTAND MY WORDS

2011-09-11T03:04:00.000-07:00

FYI; I am going to have a new life soon and it's actually started already. I do not want drama by useless idiots who underestimate their stupidity. I do not want assholes coming in later and talking to me as if they know me better than myself. Actually I don't need ANYONE talking to me as if they know me better than I know myself. GOT THAT? Don't give me your useless drama and stupidity. Trust me, my life does not revolve around IDIOTS.

Neither do I want nasty parts from my past creeping in; trust me I no longer want nor need it.

The best friend

2011-09-10T23:12:00.001-07:00

The best friend is on a vacation 'road trip' (Sort of).

He's in Monaco now.

I'm jealous. Just jealous because I didn't spend as much time with him as I should.

Regardless, his message made me feel more okay today. Thank you, best friend.

P/S A few more weeks :P

2011-09-10T06:38:00.001-07:00

Influential people like what I write. jealous? Suck it!

This is just lovely :)

2011-09-10T06:15:00.000-07:00

Haha, I smile using the word 'lovely.' Because guys have described me with that word before..but anywayy I digress

2011-09-09T21:53:00.001-07:00

No matter how happy or how down I am, I am thankful for your presence in my life

2011-09-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

''If you're willing to fail interestingly, you tend to succeed interestingly'' -Edward Albee

So whichever path you choose to success, choose the interesting one because it's more likely to either create a light of a shadow of what you need or you become successful by being interesting.

It's up to you to interpret what I meant :)

Personal feelings; I know exactly what I need for myself now, but I feel only a few will understand. sigh.

An open letter to the people (all of them) that screwed me over in the past

2011-09-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Please don't look for me. Please don't think I care. Please don't create drama and bore me. Please.

I've moved on. Also, there's someone I really care about, and it's not you.

I'm firm and clear.

I care more about my new life and what I want now.

Wannabe

2011-09-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am suigintou (LOL..okay I tried to capture her evil look but failed :p )

Stay out of my way

2011-09-08T16:19:00.000-07:00

I wonder why the people people who are sampah (rubbish) think I should care about their business. I have my own personal life to be busy with. So EFF OFF.

2011-09-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

WHILE THOUGHT EXISTS, WORDS ARE ALIVE AND LITERATURE BECOMES AN ESCAPE, NOT FROM, BUT INTO LIVING.

Source : http://excessivebookshelf.tumblr.com/post/9596324371/while-thought-exists-words-are-alive-and

My comment:

The more you understand reading, the more you understand reality.

You cannot learn the important values in life or what makes reality significant without sharing, reading and observing.

2011-09-07T04:41:00.001-07:00

Nasihat yang baik wajib disulami dengan bahasa yang indah. Bukannya indah pada bunga bahasa yang kita pentingkan, tetapi tepat pada penggunaan kata.

Kita wajib bercakap tentang kebenaran dan perlu menghiasi kebenaran dengan bahasa yang indah. Kebenaran diutamakan, barulah diserikan dengan bahasa yang indah. Kebenaran yang disampaikan pasti akan berbekas di hati dan bahasa yang indah akan menyedapkan telinga yang mendengar.

Sesungguhnya, bahasa yang indah akan memberikan sinar kepada perkara yang benar.

Source : http://www.iluvislam.com/tazkirah/nasihat/1085-menabur-tahi-lembu-ke-dalam-pingan.html#

2011-09-06T11:08:00.001-07:00

Don’t always assume my posts are about you

zombiesailor:

Because they’re usually not, but if you want to go and assume that hun..then be my guest. It just makes you seem guilty and proved me right.

THIS.

I just let it go

2011-09-06T05:51:00.000-07:00

I wish...

2011-09-06T03:27:00.000-07:00

‎''I saw something beautiful in you, a lot of potential. You could achieve so much I believe.'' Chris's words to me, 12/07/10.

Dear God, I wish I can believe that about myself every day.

ThisIsWhatINeed

2011-09-06T02:38:00.001-07:00

I have this :(

2011-09-05T22:04:00.000-07:00

But my idea of perfection is just different from yours.

:)

2011-09-05T06:29:00.000-07:00

TO BE NOBODY BUT YOURSELF IN A WORLD WHICH IS DOING ITS BEST, NIGHT AND DAY, TO MAKE YOU EVERYBODY ELSE MEANS TO FIGHT THE HARDEST BATTLE WHICH ANY HUMAN BEING CAN FIGHT; AND NEVER STOP FIGHTING"
— E. E. Cummings

Never stop.

Thank you for a bearable raya, cousins :) - kaka nurul

2011-09-05T02:41:00.001-07:00

Thanks cousin :)

___
Actually nya ada masanya aku nda berapa semangat masih..sigh

I hope everything will get better.

When God say "yes", nobody can say "no."

2011-09-05T00:22:00.001-07:00

It's true.